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Hello my name is Jerral Campfield and this web site is dedicated to Moral Recognition Therapy using Biblical principles. Please come back often to join me in understanding Gods hands are outstretched still to forgive.

Anger Management Part 4  E-mail
Contributed by Jerral Campfield   
Wednesday, 23 March 2005

When we look at anger management one needs to look at some PRINCIPLES OF ENGAGEMENT

The main problem in getting along with people is that they are so human and quirky. No doubt Paul had our human frailty in mind when he said, "Make allowance for each other's faults" (Colossians 3:13, NLT).

So, the first principle of engagement is:
 "make allowance for each other's faults." Expect people to let you down from time to time. Don't expect a difficult person to suddenly grow up.

There are two scriptures that give us hope one  "He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends" (Proverbs 17:9).
"A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense" (Proverbs 19:11).

If someone rubs you the wrong way, you have to decide to hit back or let it go. The Bible is clear that human relations work best when we overlook each other's human (not moral) faults, don't repeat matters best kept confidential, and even overlook it when we are wronged.

Which brings us to the second principle of engagement:
 "let the little ones go." This is living above the floodplain. It's high ground, and terrific if you let the Holy Spirit lead you there, which is hard when a difficult person is dragging you down.

The opposite of letting little ones go is escalating offenses out of proportion. When a difficult person is being difficult, don't try to match blow for blow, or the "situation" will soon be out of control.

Men, can I be brutal? We are pros at making mountains out of molehills. We pick, pick, pick at our wives over non sensuals when we are really raging against unspoken issues. One man went ballistic because his wife used a plastic sandwich bag that he had laid out for himself. What was that about? She was so mad she went to work without her wedding ring.

"Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out" (Proverbs 17:14).

So the third principle of engagement is: "don't escalate small offenses." If you are not practicing these first three principles of engagement, you may be difficult to be around. Don't let it get the best of you. The Bible says, "A man's own folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the LORD" (Proverbs 19:3). It's not fair to blame God because we're acting like a jerk.

How can you find out if you're difficult? Through self-examination, of course, but also by inviting honest dialog with your loved ones.

The fourth principle is:
 "foster honest, two-way communication."

The secret of functional families is honest communication, especially in conflict resolution. This is the key underlying it all. If a family doesn't get this right, all kinds of dysfunctional patterns begin to develop. The less honest, the more difficult. The more difficult, the deeper the dysfunction.

Copyright 2005 Jerral Campfield, All rights reserved.