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Hello my name is Jerral Campfield and this web site is dedicated to Moral Recognition Therapy using Biblical principles. Please come back often to join me in understanding Gods hands are outstretched still to forgive.

Anger Management Part 2  E-mail
Contributed by Jerral Campfield   
Saturday, 19 March 2005

It seems we all experience anger and need to know the value of taking Time Outs.

"Time out" means taking a break from a situation where you feel yourself getting angry and tense, so you can relax, think, cool down and avoid being violent. Below are the steps involved in taking a time out:

Tell the other person that you are feeling tense and need some time to relax and think. It is important to communicate that you are not trying to avoid the problems and that you will be willing to talk about them later when you feel more relaxed and reasonable.

Get away from the person and the situation. It is best to leave the area altogether.
During a "time out," do not drive a vehicle, drink alcohol or use drugs. Physically and mentally calm yourself. Use a combination of physical and mental exercises that are non-aggressive. Concentrate on your breathing. Try not to feed your anger and tension with negative self-talk. Practice positive self-talk.

Give yourself enough time to relax and get control of yourself. When we get angry, our heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, blood sugar level rises, and certain other chemicals increase in our bodies. It takes time for our body to get back to normal. Give yourself at least twenty minutes and preferably, forty-five minutes to an hour before returning to the situation.

If you return to the situation and find your anger and tension returning, repeat the time out procedure until there is no risk of being violent.

Research and experience show that when people with anger problems change their self-talk, their anger de-escalates and they regain control. When you notice your cues are escalating or you start to feel angry, take a TIME OUT and read these statements to yourself:

I don't need to prove myself in this situation. I can stay calm.
As long as I keep my cool, I'm in control of myself.
No need to doubt myself. What other people say doesn't matter. I'm the only person who can make myself angry or calm myself down.

Time to relax and slow things down. I can take a time out if I get tight or start to notice my cues.
My anger is a signal. Time to talk to myself and relax.
I don't need to feel threatened here. I can relax and stay cool.
Nothing says I have to be competent and strong all the time. It's OK to feel unsure or confused.
It's impossible to control other people and situations. The only thing I can control is myself and how I express my feelings.

It's okay to be uncertain or insecure sometimes. I don't need to be in
control of everything and everybody.
If people criticize me, I can survive. Nothing says I have to be perfect
If this person wants to go off the wall, that's their thing. I don't need to respond to their anger or feel threatened.
When I get into an argument, I can use my control plan and know what to do.
I can take a time out.
Most things we argue about are stupid and insignificant. I can recognize that my anger is just old primary feelings being restimulated. It's okay to walk away from this fight.

It's nice to have other people's love and approval, but even without it, I can still accept and like myself.
People put erasers on the ends of pencils for a reason. It's okay to make mistakes.
People are going to act the way they want to, not the way I want.
I feel angry. That means I've been hurt or scared or have some other problem.
Making Anger Work for You is the Goals of Anger Management. 

To deal with the anger at a comfortable pace in a way that helps resolve the situation, and  doesn't create worse problems, is what is needed.

Copyright 2005 Jerral Campfield, All rights reserved.